воскресенье, 30 ноября 2014 г.

How to be good 2.

Social life is a very complicated mechanism of separate human beings. Every person has his own thoughts, wishes and expectations. Every single person is a whole unexplored world, that collides with yours. Thousands times a day. Some of these worlds bring you energy, some takes your energy away. We react to this collisions subliminally. Without caring of how the other side changed in this collision. Just think about it: you're now sitting (standing, lying or whatever else you are doing) right next to a human being that is barely differs from you. And they think of you exactly the same things you do. The physics of the world works this way - they actually do. Even when you don't think about it - it works. Like gravity. When you're surrounded by people - you have your influence on them as well as they affect you. All your environment subliminally feel your condition and reflects it. This reflection may not be obvious to you but it always exists. In close relations or with someone you see for the first time and never gonna see again, gravity works.

There are lots of training programs that are hosted by respectable people of psychology that teach us to live a bright life. I guess they call it mirroring. I should say, I never was to any of them. But I think that the core concept that is suggested on such events (or one of the core concepts), is the one that described earlier. If you never thought of people around you as of yourself - probably you need to visit one of those events. Some say - I do try to look at others but they are still who they are. Yes. If you change - not necessarily people around you change (themselves). Most likely people around you change (to other people). Because people usually don't want to change themselves, or don't see a reason to. And of course no one can expect instant results from changing their own point of view. Did you ever mention, how do you interact with sad or rude people? You become sad and rude as well. You don’t actually want to talk, and a person automatically becomes not interesting to you. Gravity. And it’s all up to you, change the power of this gravity to your side, or continue drifting down this river. I choose changes. But not arguing and playing any sort of drama, trying to figure out what happened, or even more trying to change others. Change yourself, change the way you look at things around you and everything comes to a balance. Patience. Good things come to those who wait. 

The lack of patience is a very common problem nowadays. The rhythm of life dictates us its own terms of existence. And we project that rhythm to our relationships. We don't think about the consequences of it. Different people have different biorhythms. Most likely people don’t pay attention to it, and rudeness generates from scratch. For example - everyone knows, that there are morning and evening people. In my humble opinion - evening people are more respectful. It’s easy to show with a phone call in non-working time. When an evening person calls someone late in the evening - he would definitely think twice, whether people might be sleeping, or having rest, cos it’s already 10pm, and apologize for a late call. No matter, that this particular person won’t be sleeping till 2am, he cares of other’s sleep. And morning people do call on private phones 10am without a shame, because «who ever might be sleeping, it’s 10am already». The very same situation we have with vegans, gays, religious, and lots of other groups of people, that are very proud of being themselves, and showing themselves off without thinking about influence to others. They have no patience to take a minute to think about what other people think and feel. They are always in hurry to spread their point of view. This kind of disrespect and lack of patience is the core of unspoken conflicts between strangers. This kind of disrespect brings us to the point of rudeness in traffic, rudeness in subway, rudeness on the street, rudeness as a whole. We multiply this rudeness with our disrespect. Rudeness multiplies with our lack of patience. Every time you see some people act like selfish rude piece of meat - remember - if you can’t or don’t want to stop them, better leave them alone with their expression and don’t multiply it by yourself. Every time your tongue is not connected to your brain - you multiply disrespect.

To be continued...

понедельник, 24 ноября 2014 г.

How to be good.

[No straight examples and no parallels with real people here]
First part of the unknown amount.

Some say - there are too many rudeness around us these days. I say - change yourself, and the world around you changes. The physics of the world works this way: what you think - comes true. Of course, there are some exceptions (prisons, psychiatric hospitals, etc) but these exceptions also follow the rules of the world, if you have a closer look.

We are - what we feel. Let me try to explain. Imagine: Winter. You’re standing somewhere in central Russia. Here’s the warmth of sun, somewhere in the middle of Siberian winter. You’re still standing in a damned cold snowy desert. And its extremely cold. You almost can’t feel your face, but here it comes - the warm ray of sun. Are you happy about it? Definitely yes! Now lets imagine we move to the other side of the Earth. Same time, but somewhere in Brazil. Hot jungle, tiny predatory insects swarming around, sweat is dripping all over your body… And the very same sun enlightens you with its warmth. Are you still happy about it? I really doubt it. Every single time something is happening to you - you analyze the environment and make your decision - whether you like it or not. And it’s your choice only. That’s why I always say - we are what we feel. 

This simple concept gives us an incredible freedom to live and decide - what pisses us off, what makes us sad, what makes us happy, what makes us feel excitement. Let’s have a look to a young couple. They are just getting used to each other. Mentally dancing, moving around, back and forth, having a closer look to each other. Let’s suggest, that a boy (of course, who else could be wrong?) makes a mistake. We look at this as a starting point of a conflict, that can be avoided. And here comes a very special moment to a girl (or whoever in this crazy modern world he might be with) to decide - what expression to choose, how to feel about it, what to say and how to react. Usually, impulsiveness of most of girls, or the difference of ways we think, makes her feel offended, even if she understands that it was not the fatal fault. It’s extremely necessary to remember that it's her very own choice - what to feel: anger or compassion. Every conflict starts because of misunderstanding. Thats the point where conflict start its escalation. This two-sided situation still can be solved with peace, if both sides stop for a moment and take their precious time to think of the person on the other side. And here they are, passed through all the misunderstandings, here they are caring of each other. We look at a couple, that lives together for a long while. They are very accustomed to each other and trust each other completely. We admire them a lot. They worth admiring. They’ve come a long way to it and now they do understand each other, like no one else. And it all could have ended there, in the very beginning, with the first boy’s mistake. This example has no purpose to describe every particular situation, of course. Even in a couple's relationships. There are cheating, lies, and lots of other unforgettable and inexcusable things. But even though the concept of this world is: only we decide how to feel about anything that happens to us, and decide whether should we multiply this feelings or not. 

To be continued...